the early rain

Two days ago, I (to whom several months ago blog-sphere was almost an entire unknown!) began a second blog. I removed my profile from it and removed the option of becoming a follower, basically setting it up so that it would not show up anywhere.

I reasoned that this would allow me a liquid place to explore the things on my heart and mind without any thought of an audience. My intention was then to make well watered garden at pleasant pines lighthearted and fun.

I titled the new, secret blog "the early rain", referencing Psalm 84:5-7. I have been thinking much of what it means to go from strength to strength, what it means to pass through the valley of bitterness and yet make it a place of springs.

After publishing my first private post, then editing it, then losing all of the edits, then posting Psalm 84, it occurred to me that what I was doing wasn't equipping me to walk in the good works which God prepared for me beforehand. What I was doing wasn't walking; it was allowing myself to be paralyzed.

The truth is that I was pulling in, putting up walls.

This temptation was - and will probably continue to be - so strong!!!

I want to shield myself from further hurt, and my wild heart tells me that the way to do that is to not invite anyone in, to not let anyone know the weakness, the struggles, or the loneliness. I fear others rejoicing in that knowledge, triumphing over me in it, or using it to further wound.

Maybe they will.

But then I began thinking of the fact that I have been created new in Christ and how pleasing Him is really my deepest desire. Can I be an imitator of Christ - yoked to the One who was obedient even unto death- and declare my boundaries? Can I shield myself and at the same time walk in love just as He loved?

The more I think about His call to trust and obey, the clearer it becomes that this yieldedness demands all of me - even the sore and sorry parts of my heart that wait for His healing touch.

As I once found freedom from binding fear by facing the fear that gripped me most strongly, perhaps the way to a whole heart is in exposing all the wounded parts by way of loving.

The more I think about it, it occurs to me that the only way to have a whole heart is to give it wholly away, not holding any part of it back with a mistaken notion of self protection. Jesus did say, "For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it." Mark 8:35

So I come back, again, to the beginning, to the touchstone. The cornerstone. And at this place of laying down my nothing for His all, I determine afresh to

love

give

be open

be willing

be humble


And this heart, which is not mine after all, is in hands that will not crush a bruised reed or quench a smoldering flax. I can trust that. I can trust Him.

I chase the rainbow of His promises, His covenant, through the rain of His dealings.

He may lead me into suffering, but He will take me from strength to strength.

He will continue to send the rain, life giving rain, the early, gentle rain - gentle enough not to overwhelm tender growth or wash away newly planted seeds.

After all, He has promised to make me a watered garden.